Reflections on Time Wasted

Since retiring 3 years ago, I've done a lot of writing. I've done a lot of considering. That's what I do in between doctor's visits, pills, shots and tests. These days, a hefty chunk of every day is occupied with keeping the running down apparatus working well enough to write some more.

I am sure whatever doctor figures out how to do "total overhauls" on people, say every 5 years, is going to be richer than a million Midases; richer even than Bill Gates III.

I've been fortunate so far. My medical problems have not affected my ability to think - the head seems to work pretty well except for those damned "Senior moments." But even there I've been lucky, because eventually - sometimes it takes a whole day - I do remember what I was looking for. The worst part is going to the medicine cabinet to take a pill, and then forgetting why I am there, so I stand there looking stupid. But I usually do "get it" after a few minutes, sometimes a half hour.

The one thing that's annoying and irritating is my hands and fingers going bad in the last 2 years. Sometimes it is really difficult to type, sometimes impossible. On the other hand, this has put the pressure on me to get my book done. I feel I must do it quick, before I can't. It's one thing to be able to think, it's quite another to translate it into something communicable.

I hope I get this book done and out the door pretty soon. I hope it sells well, because I need the money. For example, if I write another one - and I already have another 1 or 2 books "in my head" -  I might need to hire a secretary to type stuff from dictation. I used to write computer manuals that way. It's a lot more expensive than do-it-yourself, and actually takes longer since two or more people have to interact, but it does off-load a lot of work and allows the writer to go on to other things. Otherwise, writing and getting it done is an all-consuming task. I wrote a lot of stuff years ago, when I was also running my business, but never got most of it done: too many time conflicts.

If someone gives me a lot of money, then I could do my college days dream: move to Tahiti. I still want to do that, originally inspired by Gaugin's "Tahitian Girl" painting. But, more than that, I have had a life long rejection of the kinds of lives we lead in America. I think everyone should get French vacations: take August off. Despite the constant workaholic, Puritanical, Republican propaganda, the French are doing fine not working like Americans. That is, not working like slaves.

In fact, scarcely anyone works like Americans, and for so little reward. Americans work long, long hours and don't enjoy life. The saying "get a life" is ironic. American life is a cardboard cutout, another sitcom about nothing. After all the work, 90% of the income goes to just 10% of the people. That is, 90% of the people get only 10% of all the income. It's hard to imagine how rich are the descendants of Midas.

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with working if you enjoy it, if it is you. But, if all you are doing is being fed bread at one end, and delivering it to the toilet from the other end, it's not worth it. There has to be something more.

I've worked an average of more than 70 hours/week all of my adult life, because I've done things of interest to me. I don't regret it. I would do the same thing in Tahiti. What I do regret is those jobs or times when I had to do stuff that was worthless and boring, no matter how much they paid me. Each person has a different life, but the time we spend doing "maintenance work" should be minimized. Europeans are way ahead of Americans on this one.

By some freak accident of nature, I think I was supposed to be a unsuccessful writer all along. Programming computers is a kind of writing. I probably would have done more literary things, if we had had the editing programs then, that we now have. I distinctly remember cursing the IBM Selectric typewriter I rented to type my bachelor's thesis. Right then, over 40 years ago, I knew the solution to my problems was a computer. I am very thankful that we now have computers which make writing feasible for me.

In writing the book in progress, I finally realized a bunch of things. One is how much I appreciate what those old fogies wrote hundreds and thousands of years ago. I've been re-reading that stuff we skip though in our undergraduate courses, and finding new meaning in it. Yes, there are reasons Plato, Aristotle, Descartes - to name some I don't agree with - and a bunch of others are still around. It is really difficult to think up something entirely new. That tells you something about "human nature" and our supposedly unique lives.

I've also come down hard on "defining myself." Aristotle said no should be allowed to practice philosophy until they are at least 35 years old. Jack Weinberg scoffed at that, saying "Never trust anyone over 30," but there's something to Aristotle's view. There's some things that require a lifetime perspective. For example, I've been a lifelong activist on the political Left, and now I know why. I thought I knew why before, but what I thought was only part of it.

For me, the fundamental truth is human equality, not just before the law, but the similarity of all human lives. This came up the other day, when I remembered that young people get married thinking their partners are new and different people. Later they discover themselves as their parents reincarnated. Family resemblances. How we think about ourselves is not at all the same as the "objective" reality of how others see us. In the public space, there is very little that differentiates the generations. So, individuals relive a life; we are reincarnations. It's rare for someone to "break the mold."

That truth denies the barriers of class and caste erected by conservatives. The struggle for wealth, power and sex that preoccupies most people is a silly waste of time.

I think I'll have a review copy of the book done later this month. I hope to have it published by February.